There are movies... movies that speak to me, that never fail to grip my heart and bring me to tears. They are my life, in so many ways... they echo my experiences and fill me with longing... happiness... and sometimes even pain.
We are our experiences. Everything that happens to us in life makes us who we are. The way we are treated, the way we are loved. The people we love... the way we love them... the passion with which we love. These are the things that make us who we are. At least... that's what I believe. Life can be so difficult and yet... so lovely. All at once, wrapped up in the same package. I've thought so much about life since my birthday. Turning thirty really brought life into perspective. I never gave my age or my days much thought, but for some reason, that big birthday laid it all out there for me. Like, you know.. this is really serious. This is it. Your life. It is what you make it.
The Notebook is a movie I can always watch if I want to be filled with nostalgia, it brings so many feelings to the surface for me that I try to bury deep. And lately, another one of these type movies has been coming on... Pearl Harbor. It affects me so deeply, makes me feel so many things. Is this normal? Am I the only one? I'm watching it right now and I just feel so many things.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just having an emotional day. Maybe I'm hormonal. I don't know. All I do know is that sometimes I can be happy without effort... I can push the lonliness away and pretend it doesn't exist and sometimes.... sometimes I just hurt. I have all this family around and of course, my wonderful babies, but my heart is lonely. My life... is lonely. But tomorrow will be better. It will be different. It always is. But tonight... I am lonely.
4 comments:
Seriously, how did I KNOW that the Notebook was going to makes its way onto your blog after reading the first paragraph?!?
I feel your pain girl! Sometimes life is very lonely!!!
I also feel the same way about turning 30. Especially since we just lost a family friend to the war. It really makes you appreciate your children and your husband. I've been doing alot of searching within myself too, and understand what your going through.
BUT...you are NOT ALONE girl!!!! You know that I am here for you whenever you need me, (even if its from a hospital bed)!
I think that feeling is part of the beauty of life. I think we all have down days, and it is possible to feel lonely even when you are surrounded by people because it's just one of those days.
I'm sorry you're having a lonely day, but cry really hard while watching Pearl Harbor and you'll sleep hard and wake up a whole new person. :)
I can barely read this blog Candi...God I wish I was home:( I miss you so much...I love you
I can't imagine how hard to read this was for your hubby. He loves you so much and to hear about your pain, it's heart wrenching. I honestly don't know how you do it for so long. You are one strong lady! Even if you do like Pearl Harbor! The Notebook on the other hand, is awesome... you really need to read the book!
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